OK, so here goes:
14 cooking apples, peeled, cored and roughly chopped (it doesn't matter how you chop them, they turn to mush in the slow cooker anyway)
2 cups sugar (I used brown sugar because I think it tastes better)
1/2 tsp cloves (ground, not the kind you stick in a ham!)
1/2 tsp allspice
1 1/2 tsp cinnamon
** or, one part allspice and cloves to three parts cinnamon....add as much as you like, but go easy on the cloves or else it will taste medicinal.
Dump everything into the slow cooker, stir, and leave it alone (on HIGH) for about three hours or until apples are very soft.
Then, either puree directly in the slow cooker with an immersion blender, or remove to a blender or food processor and process until smooth. Don't worry if it looks like it's runny; it will thicken as it cools to a nice, spreadable consistency.
This is lovely on toast, with a piece of sharp Cheddar cheese.